I do not know if it's the same for you but even if it hurts, it was and still is often easier for me to be more comfortable hearing (bad) reviews about my work, about me than compliments. Recently, I wondered why the negative is easier to accept than the positive. While wanting to succeed, I am content with little to prove my fears are right.
When we are complimented by something like: "your work is great", it's hard to accept them and just say "thank you". Instead, we say "no, but it's not that difficult, everyone can do it ..." or "I can do better ..."; "Tell me if something is wrong". And we highlight our mistakes, our imperfections.
Simply saying "thank you" seems too hard because it means accepting and assuming our talents, our strengths and sometimes it is simpler to remain in doubt, in the fact that we don't feel "enough", "not capable", "not adequate".
For me it was the case, I was more afraid of the success than the failure.
"Failure" if I can say, is what I knew (know), "doubt" is where I was (am) in but success means to assume my strengths but also my weaknesses, means to be congratulated, means to be in front of the stage and for me, it was (is) harder than accepted criticism and living my comfort, not so comfortable sometimes, zone.
When I received compliments, I tended to minimize my efforts, minimize my work because I did not feel able to succeed, to be interesting enough for people to listen to me, to have enough to say, to be able to help people as I have been helped.
Yet, deep in my heart, I have ideas, strengths, desires, abilities but to release them, to assume them, to show them are for me a fight every day.
I cannot silence the little monster who keeps telling me that I'm definitely not enough to succeed in anything.
Accepting compliments means saying "thank you" when someone is congratulating us. It means accepting yourself, trusting yourself and it's a long-term job.
It's even easier for me to hear and agree with the critics because they bring me back to something I know. It sends me back to my flaws, which unlike my strenghts, are easier to identify and to integrate.
For example, for my first book, when my sister pointed out that there were still spelling errors (in the published version), the first thing that came to my mind was, "How did I think I was going to write a good book? how can I, the girl who has struggled to learn how to write, who made countless spelling errors growing up, have imagined that she was going to succeed in writing a book without mistakes? I'm never going to be a good author ..."
I wanted to be a writer but at the same time, but at the same time, at first, the fear of becoming one was too much present. It took me years, and time of growth, some work on me to finally accept the compliments that initially asked me a lot of energy to do so. The first time I heard people complimented my work, I did not really want to accept them and yet they were and are what is motivating me to continue.
I believe, we must not be content with compliments, and we have to work to deserve them and we must be able to thank the person, when someone say one to us. Plus, criticism is not all the time negative. If it allows us to grow and improve ourself.
If we are ready to accept the criticisms, we have to be able to also accept the compliment because any work has some strong points and weaknesses.
So, what I'm doing now, what I'm forcing myself to do is when I receive a compliment, is above all to say aloud: "thank you", plus, I forbid myself to minimize my work. I force myself to talk about what I create proudly because everyone does not write two books before their 25th birthday, even if they are imperfect. Nothing's perfefect right?
Then, when I hear some critics, I take them into consideration, but if they are not constructive, I try to "let them go".
But, for the other ones, the ones that can help me improve myself, I accept them and work on them.
So, I would love to hear about your thoughts on criticism and compliment :)
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